The Video Blog of Dr John H Watson
by Nellon
Summary: Post-Reichenbach Fall - John is determined to soldier on after the death of his best friend. Ella tells him to start a video blog. Sherlock is given the videos. John carries on, and decided to go back to war.
1. Prologue

"Just stop it… stop this-" John could feel the ache in his throat from holding back the tears. He finally let himself break, just for a moment, bringing a hand up to cover his eyes, letting the tears finally fall. It was just a brief moment; it's all he allowed himself since the fall.

He quickly wiped the tears away and straightened; remembering what he had been taught so long ago, _head up, shoulders back, soldier on. _And that's what he did. He pushed everything he felt back, deep down. He made a sharp about face and marched away from the grave.

* * *

The previous day he had visited Ella, his therapist. She had told him to video blog about what happened to him nowadays. She wanted him to upload one at least once a week. John didn't know how this was much different from trying to blog but he told her he would and left.

Now John sat in 221b, in his armchair facing Sherlock's empty one. He was still on leave from the clinic for the time being. It had been two days since he had been at the grave, three since Ella told him to video blog.

He sighed and went to go sit in front of where his laptop was waiting for him. He rubbed his eyes, keeping up the emotionless façade was tiring, but he had done it before, he could do it again.

Finally he started recording.


	2. Chapter 1

Sherlock had received a text from Mycroft, not an unusual occurrence but now his texts brought actually interesting information. Mycroft would text him for one of two reasons. Either: a) More information on Moriarty's web of criminals or b) An update on John (as promised)

_Ella has John video blogging, idiotic but I thought you might be interested. – MH_

Interested indeed. Attached was a link. Sherlock clicked and as he waited it for it to load he expected the worst. He had seen John at his grave; he knew this was going to be hard.

What appeared on screen a second later surprised him. Actually surprised Sherlock Holmes.

John Watson did not appear outwardly sad. Nor did he look angry. Sherlock went through a list of emotions, happy, confused… but none seemed to fit. He just seemed…. Blank. His face reminiscent of the soldier he had seen the first day he met the man.

Then he started talking.

"March third, twenty twelve. …I'm going back to work at the clinic on Monday." The doctor sat looking at the screen for a moment before he turned it off.

In total it was only twenty seconds long.

Sherlock watched it three times before carrying on with his work. Thoughts of John never left his mind


	3. Chapter 2

It was five days before John posted another video. Sherlock had checked everyday and it seemed as if weeks had gone by before the video suddenly appeared. It was forty seconds this time.

He had even gotten a text from Mycroft when it was up.

Sherlock clicked the video at once. A very tired looking John appeared on screen. Sherlock had expected as much but it still pulled at his 'non-existent' heart.

John looked tired, yes, but the emotion Sherlock had always associated with the man was still missing. John sighed.

"It seems like the second I stepped back in that clinic the whole of London came down with the flu, not to mention I haven't been sleeping… all that well." He let out a humorless chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't even know what to say in these bloody things-" he growled before the video came to sudden end.

Sherlock re-watched it, observing the dark circles under the man's eyes. The state of their flat behind him looked almost the same as how he left it. Obviously John hadn't done much with his things since the fall. He wondered why John, normally so full of emotion was hiding behind his soldier face. Did he not want to look weak? Was he running away from it? The voice in the back of his head asked: _Did he really even care?_ But he pushed that aside, of course he did. He could tell John was hiding whatever emotion it was he was feeling. That, and the moment at his own grave told his logic that of course John cared.

Sherlock pushed a hand through his curls, frustrated at the whole situation. He was flying to New York tomorrow, the long flight was not going to help over-thinking the situation.


	4. Chapter 3

John turned the camera on just three days later, still looking tired, but this time he looked angry. Sherlock had heard from Mycroft that he had seen Lestrade and Molly since then. Trying to keep up old relationships he assumed.

Sherlock knew that John had been friends with Lestrade and Molly outside of work but never really thought about, always too wrapped up in something else and even though now he as busy as ever but he got so little information on John that everything was significant. Mycroft was too busy being the government or helping his with cases to also give him every detail of John's life.

"Why the bloody hell does everyone just tiptoe around me constantly? " He ran a hand over his face and the rage dissipated, just his stony expression left, he sighed, pausing for a long moment before continuing. "This isn't the first time this has happened to me, y'know. I've had men die in my arms, men who were like brothers. And… I've lost those brothers to suicide before... I guess I've never seen one happen like that, and Sherlock was-" Sherlock could have sworn John was about to break, he was finally going to see what was under the barricades but alas he was somewhat disappointed. John took another long moment, passing a hand through his hair. "Sherlock was my best friend. Saved my life that bastard did, I guess I just couldn't save him..." And before Sherlock knew it the video was over, a black screen stared back at him.


	5. Chapter 4

"Fuck him." John swore, obviously frustrated. "I hate him. I hate him for doing this that selfish asshole." John swore again. He sat for a long minute in front of the camera before shutting it off.

Sherlock sat in silence. He knew John didn't hate him. He knew that. But John was angry and it still hurt a little (not that he would ever let anyone know that). It hurt that he made John angry and a small part of him doubted that John would forgive him eventually.

"Don't worry John," Sherlock said quietly in his grungy hotel room. "I'm sorry, but please don't worry I'll be home soon." He said before closing his laptop and moving to leave. He had a man to see.


End file.
